Broken
I am overcome by emotion
I’ve even had trouble sleeping
I’ve sat on a dirty cemented floor
Crying my heart out
And now I wonder
What was it that hurt me so much
Was it that you showed yourself to be happy
When I couldn’t show myself the same to anyone?
Was it that you were maddened by your rage and defiance on the inside
But you were loud and hearty for me to see
Oh I believe you were just being yourself
The strangers that we’ve come to be
And I’m telling you
I’m slowly forgetting the in between
I didn’t realise
The haywire of emotions I’ve been feeling for a while now
Only contributed to this detachment
Just to think that He can turn this brokenness into something beautiful
And perhaps beauty here would mean freedom
From the chains I allowed myself to be bound by
The chains that bound me to you
It was not your asking
It was my choice
And though I am ashamed
Of the money I wasted
Of the time and energy that money could never buy
I thank-You that shame is not my name
And neither were any of your jeers
And the praises to my face but the curses in your heart
I thank-You that it’s not for me
To discover whether there was any truth in it all
I thank-You for the moments
Help me to see past my hurt
I know my insides will shrink again
When I’ll run into you
Over and again in ways I cannot control
But may only love overflow
In choosing to not remember the in between
Help me to see them newly
Father, help me to not bury the good
In all that went wrong
In all that turned ugly
In all that was and is hypocritical
Help me to never forget the log in the eyes that saw it all
They were mine all along
Help me to never fall back
For the sake of my tears
For the sake of the ones
Who regret my choice
Only this remains -
There was beauty in every tear that fell
Though it wore me out
And I have nothing left
Give me the strength
To fight for the truth
To fight for the ones I love
Help me to love
With a love that never gives up
Understanding that I’m no better
Understanding that I’ve failed too many times to count
You choose me still
You choose me every day
Thank-you Abba
Sep 18, 2018
I’ve even had trouble sleeping
I’ve sat on a dirty cemented floor
Crying my heart out
And now I wonder
What was it that hurt me so much
Was it that you showed yourself to be happy
When I couldn’t show myself the same to anyone?
Was it that you were maddened by your rage and defiance on the inside
But you were loud and hearty for me to see
Oh I believe you were just being yourself
The strangers that we’ve come to be
And I’m telling you
I’m slowly forgetting the in between
I didn’t realise
The haywire of emotions I’ve been feeling for a while now
Only contributed to this detachment
Just to think that He can turn this brokenness into something beautiful
And perhaps beauty here would mean freedom
From the chains I allowed myself to be bound by
The chains that bound me to you
It was not your asking
It was my choice
And though I am ashamed
Of the money I wasted
Of the time and energy that money could never buy
I thank-You that shame is not my name
And neither were any of your jeers
And the praises to my face but the curses in your heart
I thank-You that it’s not for me
To discover whether there was any truth in it all
I thank-You for the moments
Help me to see past my hurt
I know my insides will shrink again
When I’ll run into you
Over and again in ways I cannot control
But may only love overflow
In choosing to not remember the in between
Help me to see them newly
Father, help me to not bury the good
In all that went wrong
In all that turned ugly
In all that was and is hypocritical
Help me to never forget the log in the eyes that saw it all
They were mine all along
Help me to never fall back
For the sake of my tears
For the sake of the ones
Who regret my choice
Only this remains -
There was beauty in every tear that fell
Though it wore me out
And I have nothing left
Give me the strength
To fight for the truth
To fight for the ones I love
Help me to love
With a love that never gives up
Understanding that I’m no better
Understanding that I’ve failed too many times to count
You choose me still
You choose me every day
Thank-you Abba
Sep 18, 2018
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