A Pool of Tears

Now it would help
If I could understand my feelings
I couldn’t even look at the countless pictures on my phone
For fear of you
So I cleared them all
But the ones I’ve shared to my father remain
And now I cry at the picture of us all
Why is “all” but a number we can count on our fingers
I think about you all often
And I’m moved
At the thought of the times
We talked for hours
The times that I was at the receiving end of jokes
And of laughter
I don’t want to forget
But remembering is hurting me a little
So how do we work this out
What’s it going to look like few months from now
Oh Father I dread it all
I wish I could run straight through it
And not look back
But it’s like there’s a dog right behind me
And You know how afraid I am
I keep stealing glances
Because I’m so afraid
That it’ll come chasing after me
But it doesn’t
Little do I know
It’s merely going its fine way
While I’m sick with fear on the inside
Walking down muddy roads
And dirty streets
Afraid of the stray beasts that run around
Human-like
Determinedly fending for no one but their own selves
As they should?
As they should...
There’s no room for solidarity here
You don’t walk alone
Yet you walk without
Acknowledging the truth
How do you sleep at night
Because I still lose myself in my thoughts
Why am I the only one that’s in the wrong?
Why must I always take the blame for two
For three
For four
I pray to Him
To give you the grace
To forgive me
I want to sleep well at night
But I can’t when I’m thinking about you