Money

You took me down
We drowned together
And there’s you
Who watched me through it all
And didn’t say a word
I know we play with temporary
All day
But I try
And I preserve
And I try to hold on
So much for trying
That’s what it is
It doesn’t grow on trees
It’ll come and go
Eleven thousand twenty only
But save me the nonchalance
Don’t tell me that you don’t want to disappoint anyone
Don’t tell me that you’ll take responsibility
Don’t make promises you don’t even intend on keeping
Was anything ever in our hands?
But forgive me Father
For I know that in this loss
We still belong to
An inexhaustible Giver
Who gives and gives and gives
Till we lose and lose and lose
And have nothing left
But to be found in Him
And not in our money
Or our cars
Or our successes
Forgive me Father
For the unpredictability
This is not what I wanted for us
I wish I could have stopped the turn of events altogether
But how can I have
What is not mine to control
Help me to let this go
I pray that I’ll be able to give back
In the life that I live
And oh Father
Give me the grace to be gentle
When I have to break news
That would hurt in ways
I would otherwise not be aware of
Things can change in moments
And your whole world
Weighs heavily on your chest
And you feel so strongly
But help my mind to take in
And my heart to keep out
There’s only abundance here
Abundance in the questions
In the incompleteness
In the loss
There is only grace
In the burden
Not in carrying it
But in giving it up
To receive
To give away
To lose
Father forgive me
I’ve been losing for so long now

August 4, 2018/Sep 18, 2018