Child

 Can one forget a child they bore?

I wish you could forget me 

Do you regret that you bore me

That you brought me up

For nothing in return

When I vow not to return 

When I turn away

Because I can’t bare to look into your eyes

And tell you the truth 

I can’t afford to tell you the truth 

Because I don’t want to hurt you 

But I already did 

Am I capable of hurting you any more than I have?

I believe I am

Which is why 

I can’t tell you 

How much I wish

I were never born 

All this wasted time 

This wasted life

This wasted space

This wasted oxygen

I cost you so much 

I can’t pay you back 

I struggle to breathe deeply 

The touch of the wounds 

The pain is paralysing 

I lose my breath easily 

You say you love me 

But you can’t help me 

Stop trying to help me the ways you have 

I am hurting 

I can’t tell you

For fear that I’ll hurt you more 

Can you take it? 

Can you handle my revisionism?

I spin the truth 

I am the victim in all my stories 

Will you disagree? 

I don’t think I could handle it - 

If and when you do

So teach me, Lord 

Teach me to take responsibility

What were You thinking when You made me?

I’m a living expression of You 

But I dishonour you 

When I turn away from my own flesh and blood 

Living expressions of You 

Still Yours

Teach me to follow You

Not them

Not myself 

But You