Home?

Where we’re sitting back in mismatched plastic chairs

And allowing the circulation

To dry our wet faces

While we’re trying to refuse the pull

To fill the silence with a song

Trying

To rest here 

 

And when you come asking

Repeatedly

Lovingly

As sweet as banana wine

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you okay?”

And you hold your face close to mine

And you smile telling me how I enquire the same

And you love me

With an affection

That fills my heart so quietly, it hurts 

 

Are we really home? 

 

I go away only to return

I don’t want to sit alone

I don’t want to drink alone

I can’t hold myself accountable

To the only priority

Of an unending social role

So complacent and despaired

So careless with my time

I choose company over priority

Yet again

I want to be where you are

And you ask me to move in close

To put my arm around you

As we watch our favourite sport together

You hold my hand

For a moment longer

And I take slow sips

I’m forgetting the hurt we caused each other

And I don’t want to leave your side 

 

If our love was once far away

How are we getting closer?

Tell me I’m safe

Tell me I’m safe here

At home with you

At peace with you

With you 

 

Resting my head on your shoulder

With tears in my eyes

Holding you

Holding glass

You are here

And so am I

Waiting, watching,

breaking 

 

Here’s where I choose

To wait

For those who are away

To return

I want to wait on them

So we can drink the cup

And share food

Together

Is it okay if I take my time?

Why is this taking me so much time? 

 

Can You have all of me?

When I’m sitting around doing nothing

Feasting quietly

Wearing sorrow and joy

Incapable of saying a single word

When there’s such important work to be done

Can You use me?

Can You still work with

My divided attention?

Is there hope for

My hopeless romanticism?

Tell me,

Am I still at home in You?

Are You with me here still?