Two Weeks’ Notice

No, I didn’t just type away at an invisible keyboard 

No, I didn’t just pick a fight 

Are you having a panic attack just yet? 

Oh, God forbid 

I wouldn’t want to be held responsible 

Not because I’m cruel 

Or perhaps I am? 

I’m just worn out and tired 

From trying all the time 

Trying to be perfectly understanding 

Perfectly alone 

I don’t need you 

No, I didn’t need you 

Why can’t you make me feel needed 

For just one second

Why do I have to say goodbye 

When I’m not worth a greeting?

Why? 

I’ll say no 

No, I do not agree with you 

I am sick 

And tired 

Of making amends 

My mind is whirring out of control 

With lust and insecurity

I need saving 

Jesus, save me from my mind 

Jesus, save me from myself 

From this hell that I’ve created 

In the place I have to return to 

Save me from my immaturity

Please  

Why didn’t we talk 

Why did all that we did for more than 24 hours 

Was just eat and sleep

And listen to thunderclaps so loud 

That left me wondering and waiting 

Because I didn’t know what to do 

I want to believe that heaven is fighting for me 

Because my mind is on fire 

Because my mind is useless and 

In need of You 

And more of You 

All my affection for You 

Please take all of me 

And burn it all 

So I’m not laughing at clever dialogue 

And taking refuge in the fantasy of the 2000s 

Oh the script then was great 

But what is it now?

Misplaced scripture and desires 

And work without vision 

And just getting by

And some more 

And less of You 

I am no longer a slave to sin 

But I’ve locked myself up 

In the four walls of my home and my mind 

It’s something I’ve learned to do so well 

I am uninformed and ignorant 

And a glutton 

I am weighing heavier 

With one less burden from last week 

And now I must leave  

Before all of me dies in poverty 

Surrounded by love and abundance 

Of which I didn’t partake 

I died in the desert of my soul 

Of sickening scenarios 

Wherein I was afraid to deserve satisfaction - 

Or of what that would look like 

What does that even mean to me? 

Oh I’ve never known love 

Some days I feel so alone 

I have You 

But I feel so misdirected 

And scared and alone 

And insecure 

So I pick a fight 

Open to abuse and superficiality 

And no future 

I for one 

Cannot bring about 

What I hope for 

I am a soul wound 

Bruised and purple 

Salt rubbed in 

By my on and off-inflicted condemnation 

I take no pride in my waywardness 

So help me