Choice Misunderstanding

Maybe all the words that I put down 

Were things that I never had the courage to tell you in person 

Or was it that I was so weary I didn’t even want to see it through 

Except for in my head

A thousand imagined conversations 

I never gave it life 

By choice 

I gave up as soon as it played out in my head 

Only I spoke 

I’m so tired of us going back and forth 

Pushing and pulling 

You’re a door that won’t budge 

And you keep me outside

Oh how many times have you left me outside?

I will never understand why 

I will never understand the days that you took so long 

As if I was an intruder 

As if you were doing me a favour 

By letting me in 

But it was my ground too 

It was my life to live too 

My life wasn’t to live for you 

The time and energy that I wasted 

In understanding

In listening 

In waiting 

In hurting 

Some days I think 

I don’t want to do any of it anymore

You can go uphill and find your way down 

With the ones that you choose 

You wouldn’t even know the difference 

Should I journey my way with you 

If three years didn’t make a difference 

I don’t know how another year will 

Walk ahead 

Walk past 

Please leave me alone 

I beg you 

To please leave me alone 

My mind is falling apart 

From constantly worrying about my every word and my every action with you 

For adjusting and putting up with every fall and rise in emotion 

With seeing through your eyes 

Feeling your pain 

Understanding the chain of your thoughts 

Your misread intentions

But I am not worth of the same 

You’ve showed me many times