Satisfied

With you 
I'm experiencing a lie
Can you be true
With all your perfections and your imperfections
With all your dissonance
Are you real?
Who are you?
And who am I to you?
You've left me stranded here
For a moment longer
Than before
Where is your heart?
Why is that I can't rise from the hurt I feel?
I am scared of your colours,
Your world,
The front you take -
When you feel polarized
I am nothing to you
I am afraid of the way you look at me
What would you do if you knew my hurt?
You're undeterred and untouchable
Somehow I wish I were more like you
This pain that I feel
Is the one that I keep feeling
I've told myself time and again
To keep away from you 
But you see
I am prone 
To committing the same mistakes
Till I'm broken
For a moment longer
Than before
What would you do
If you knew the hurt
I allow myself to feel 
You'd have no portion
That is your stand
And somehow I wish I wasn't so involved
I will love you
Despite my fear
Despite my hurt
Perhaps it is in my brokenness
That I am freed
I am content in knowing
I'm closer to You now
That You are with me
Time and again
I tell myself to keep away from you
You are dark and bright
Always watching me fall -
Down an unknown steepness
You're asking me if I'm okay
To soon turn away
Who are you?
And who am I to you?
You'd turn a blind eye to my tears
For the cost of standing faultless in your eyes
Teach me to let go, Father
Teach me to let go of the past - 
I so dearly hold onto
With you
It's as if I'm pained to be satisfied
With beholding a rainbow in black and white