Hypocrite

I am a hypocrite
I am condemned 
I hold onto time
To resolve
What I'm too afraid
To do so myself 
I am not against you 
I am afraid of you
It is my fear that keeps me away
But you say it's my pride
Is fear my pride?
It must be.
I weaken in conflict
It is not my safe place
But I can't seem to move from here
I can't seem to stand
In the cold front 
Of these non-verbal cues
If you only you knew
How so much like dirt
I am made to feel 
I am the one at fault 
I am the one to blame
There is no wrong in you
I am the hypocrite
But it's because
I am so afraid of you 
I beat myself up 
With all the consequences 
I'm bound to create
I figure out realizations
Faster than you 
I am condemned
In the light of your eyes
I haven't learn how to smile
Or to behave with people
In the light of your eyes
I am detestable
I feel like screaming at you 
For telling me
Things that have eaten me
Things that have beaten me to death
In the light of my thinking

These days I work
To not feel so bad about myself
But with your words
I feel as if
I am back to where I started
Like I never grew