Good Enough

Why am I not good enough for you?
I know what you must be thinking
Why would I care to ask
When I didn't give you the attention
that you might have needed
I thought it would make you sicker
But you seemed alright
Audible and happy
Whenever the phone rang
Tell me
What about all that I've done
What about all that you've told me
I lose to him
And your many other dear ones
But I'll keep
Running with these wounds
These infected wounds
I am never wronged
I am only at wrong
Perhaps I deserve your coldness
Perhaps I don't deserve to know
But you will always remain
In my prayers
And I'll always hope the best for you
I pray you'll victoriously get through this
I'm sorry
If I made this journey
Hard and low for you
How I've felt doesn't matter and it never will
I am unworthy of your love
I am unworthy of your time
But my heart has poured out in love
I've cried many tears to sleep
I am pushing through
A pain that keeps coming back
I'm standing on my knees
With you
Yes, standing
After all
I deserve to be treated like an object of ridicule
An object of judgment
An object of fault
Hiding under the weight of the fight
Still running through the battle lines
Fighting
And wishing I'd die a martyr
Wanting to give up
And not give up all at once
Father forgive me
For failing the way that I do
I pray that they'll forgive me
And that there will come a day
They won't hold my sins against me
I am real, Father
I care deeply
But I'm losing