While You Were Away (In Good Company)

It feels as though

You did leave

But didn't leave

All at the same time

I don't know if I'm happy to see you

Or if I should cry

We're meeting again

The longest we've been apart

I broke again

The time that you were away

I felt the same things

I doom myself to repeatedly feel

I forgot again

I forgot the things He wrote on my heart                                     

I felt alone and uncaring         

I kept quiet                              

Like I painfully do

Was I in good company?

I wanted to run

And stay

All at the same time                     

I learnt important things

I learnt how we miss out

On the simplicity of life

In all the sorrow we allow ourselves to feel

In all the murder we immerse our souls in

Threatening to kill

Threatening to die

I felt inadequate again

They fell in love

And I stayed my ground

Wishing I didn't know the things

I do now

I died in my thoughts again

Overthinking like I so skilfully do

I made connections

And I shed tears

Over my food

Was I in good company?

The One who holds us both

Held me in all this time

As I prayed for His good company

(23/11/16)