Runaway

I want to run away from you
At least for a little while
Our love
Blow after blow
Leaves my heart crushed
And I’m praying here
That I don’t turn bitter 
So I’ll keep away from you
Not because I’m scared –
This time
But simply because I need some time
To forget
Your opinions of me

How you box me in
Neither subject to change
Nor a renewing love
But here I am to you
An insensitive narcissist
Who couldn’t care less about you
Little do you know
How far out you are
How I’m always
Always looking out for you
How my heart overflows
With unseen love
For you
Every time it hurts
Every time you leave me
To break
To fall
May my heart overflow
With this unquestioning forgiveness
May I forget your insensitivity
May I never stop to remember
Your unkind words
Choosing to not remember
May I live loving you
Forever
You are all I have
I can’t lose you in my bitterness
I can’t lose you in my sadness
I’ll only bleed
Tears
Seemingly endless tears
Alone here in these temporary places
I’ll let my heavy sadness
Run its course
I have only you
If only you knew
My heart for you
When it’s my turn to leave
It would be my biggest regret
That would kill me
(I’m sure)
You not knowing
My heart for you
The things I do for you

Without words,
Is it possible?
To make our heartfelt intentions known?
Leaving nothing to unrealistic assumptions
Leaving nothing to our cruel thoughts
To create
Is it possible?
I need time to forget
And so I’ll run away
At least for a little while
Because I’m tired
And I can’t keep taking
Your blow after blow
Where are we now?
How you box me in
Like I have no capacity
To love
But I wish you knew
It’s because I have Love
That I make it through
Do you know what I know?
I have Love
To change me
To comfort me
To pull me through
These temporary places

I don’t want to run away from you
Stop sending me off
Up and running
Every time you
Stab me in my heart
Brutal and quick
A kind of pain that’s sharp
And aging with sadness
A deep, unknown,
Weak sadness
I mustn’t lose you here
I should run for a while
And come back just as soon
I can’t live knowing
I was a runaway
With you
I should come back soon
May the rush of air
As cold as our heartless ways
Make me feel
Feel wholeheartedly
All that there is to feel
And let go
Where are we now?
What is this love?
One an unknowing soul
Another a broken one
Always running we are
You from my true heart
And me from my own self.

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