Painted Colourfully

I befriend purpose.

And things that are much bigger than me.

I have big, colorful dreams,

That leave me feeling small and meek.

But they're hopeful.

They're deep desires,

That show themselves in my mind like deep visions,

Hoping to get attention.

But you want a solid answer,

You want direction.

How am I to know how to steer this ride that I'm on,

At the age that I am?

But you want a definite answer.

You'll soon have my dreams turn colourless,

With your glorification of science and planning.

How you paint my dreams black and white,

Getting impatient with my confused heart...

I can't stand all these questions -

I don't have an answer to.

I find myself apologizing,

For not knowing how and on what basis,

The indecisive sunset in my world should take decisions.

You have dreams for me,

That you wish I'd go on to fulfill.

You bring it up each time,

I don't have an answer for you.

But then again I never do,

I never have an answer for you.

Oh what a dreaded question!

How I long for the answer too...

You need a goal in life,

You tell me,

But many dreams have I -

Let my heart taste and enjoy,

Without discerning the possible potential of the moment.

Stole one too many glances,

In every direction.

I've gotten ambitious with my dreams,

Every now and then,

To only live short-lived moments of surety,

All the while that I did.

Never taking time to really look,

Never taking time to actually consider,

Always changing my mind,

Mindlessly plunging myself into these casual,

Awfully humbling dreams,

To find out something I might like.

Never serious about goals at the age,

Simply playing the game time plays with me,

A playful colourless game.

And mine are sweet, big dreams,

Tasteful colours,

So deep,

Painted across an endless sky

The dreams are only perfect,

With its myriad of colours,

And they all lie in my heart to keep.

I admit whole-heartedly,

They're wishes -

None with a clear-cut idea,

None with certainty,

Or a directional plan.

Yet the hope,

That hope,

That is down there,

Quenches the incompetent words,

I always seem to have for you.

Satisfies and strengthens,

The reason I desire,

The reason my being NEEDS,

To stand on His promises,

And not try to rewrite a perfectly written story.

Satisfies and strengthens,

The reason I need to trust Him and let go...

But all the while through I'm shunned for -

What might come off guard as disregard -

To my ever nearing independent future,

In this exacting world,

With all its drafted out ways.

With every passing month,

The pressure turns everything colourless.

All the colours are led to a dark, cold winter,

The dreams stop at a hopeless chill,

Ironically I find no place in this silent movie.

When His plans are revealed to me,

I know spring will come,

So gently yet swiftly.

I wish I could have a look at His paint box,

At the colours that were made to paint,

Everyone's future so bright and true,

So beautiful...

Shouldn't I let Him move me,

And not me my own self?

How can I even rally up the strength,

To paint my future,

When my fingers are suffering frostbite,

When my body is numb,

And my mind cold,

My heart so confused,

By the state of wrong,

Absorption and reflection -

Why is my hope so lonely?

With every passing season,

The pressure turns everything colourless,

My trust is questioned.

All the while I disappoint,

Those around,

Always questioning,

Expecting so much from me,

Restricting me unknowingly,

To their desires,

That only mean well...

(I understand)

But how does it help -

When I am strengthened so little?

I wish I didn't have to disappoint you,

But I don't know which way to go,

I don't know what to choose...

My heart is heavy,

My throat is parched,

My ears ache at the tone,

Of the commonplace question.

The reality is as hot and heavy,

As this silence that chokes me,

And all this tension is like dreaded summer heat...

Time is running,

And so am I,

With tears in my eyes,

Hoping to find,

Northern Lights in this desert.

What a colourful picture...

For all those my age who have a clear idea on what to do in your later years, I admire you so much and can't wait for how things are going to turn out for you! And for those who don't really know what to do, don't you worry, God's got amazing plans for you, for us all! It's okay if it's hard to believe because they're so mind-blowing that they're more than we can comprehend <3 :'D